Hearing what Maymi’s false account of what happened really pulled something inside me. I want to throw up. She’s incredibly stupid if she believes she can get away with such lies.
I’m doing all that I can, baby, and you know it.
I won’t rest until you receive the justice you deserve…
Anything for you…
I love you.
How I feel about this…
(via fuckyeahonceuponatime)
Bellingham, October 4, 2011 | Okinawa, October 5, 2011
I couldn’t stand it anymore. I broke up with my ex weeks before because I fell in love with Eddie and I didn’t care about the grace period before making things Facebook official with Eddie. People thought I was cheating but the only cheating I was guilty of was cheating emotionally. I think most of you understand how that happened though… Eddie is lovable.
Dear Eddie,
You’re so lovable. At some point in time, I’ll move on and live the life of love you want me lead. But this day will always have an imprint on my mind and heart. This is the day you made me the happiest girl alive and vowed to love me for the rest of your life… and you kept to your promise so, so beautifully. I know how things would be if you were still here, but I’ll try not to dwell on that thought. I do my best to celebrate your life daily by taking control and living out mine while applying everything I’ve learned from you. Your love enlightens me.
Our day. Always.
Happy monthiversary.I love you..
When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time — the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes — when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever — there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.
Good morning, baby.
(Because saying good morning to you and hearing you say good morning to me was the best way to start each day…)
An end to this fuckery. One thing I’ve learned from meeting you is that I have the ability to end something if it’s not good for me, and I think the month of April was a test. I’m not begging or groveling or anything. I’ve detached myself. I hope you’re proud, baby. <3
I’m being stronger now than ever.
I just need to channel it and get my life back together.
I love you. Thank you…
I went to sleep angry around 4 AM.
I woke up angry around 3:30 PM.
And I keep asking myself, what would Eddie do if he were in my shoes?
I have faith. A different kind of faith.
I don’t follow religion. All I know is there’s hope in a higher power. I’m more spiritual than religious. But that wasn’t the case before you died. I didn’t believe in anything at all. I lost my footing, lost the path around two or three years back and it’s a shame that this is the way that brought me back to God. Unfavored circumstances… But anyway, I don’t need my faith to be shit on by someone else. That’s the first thing that made me irritable last night. And this someone was a person I tried to be with. I tried to move on and be happy. I didn’t want to let him in because I was scared, but when he confronted me about it, I worked to make things better so we could try… But now he rejects me because of my love for you. “You’re obviously not ready for ANYONE if you’re still hung up on someone else,” he said. Is this how it’s going to be every time I try to put myself out into the dating scene, Eddie? People need to realize your death is something I’ll never get over and that my love for you will never die. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let this cloud linger over my head and prevent me from finding love again. This is so fucking irritating. I’m getting fumed just typing this.
Same bullshit, different day.
He thinks he knows what’s best for me. He thinks that I shouldn’t date.
Well right now he’s given me a reason not to want to date. So…what the fuck ever.
Out.
I wish you were here to keep me calm.
I feel like there’s a storm inside my chest.
I just want this to be over already…
:( I love you. Sorry for not being me lately, Eddie.
There’s nothing I think of more than you. That may be, but my thoughts have been hazy lately. I’ve been consumed by the thought of never finding love again all because I have given my heart to you. I don’t want that used against me and the first tally mark has been drawn for it has already been used against me in a way. That’s my fault I guess. I was so eager to make an attempt to move past all the hurt and find happiness again elsewhere, but who am I kidding? Here is a wound that never will heal, I know…
I can’t shut myself out from the idea of dating and love forever, but I cannot bring myself to open more opportunities to get hurt again when the wounds of the loss of you have cut so deep that they’re still fresh and sting when touched.
I know, Eddie.
You want me to be happy. But you know too that I’m stubborn and my stubbornness stems from fear. To face my fear daily, to have lost you…it’s a constant pain in my chest and it’s so hard to refuse to move on because I am the epitome of the Libra born under Venus; born of love. I want love…
People tell me I deserve to be happy. I know it. I know I deserve to be happy but whoever comes my way deserves to be happy too, and how can they be if they know you have my heart too? I guess that makes them Mr. Wrong..
When I got my tattoo, when I had Ryan ink your name into my skin… I knew what I was doing. Future Mr. Right will accept everything about me…even this…for I didn’t ask for this to happen.
My thoughts are too scattered right now to write. I should probably stray away from blogging at the moment. But Eddie….I love you. I talk to you but I wish so desperately to hear you talk back and say the words that make me feel strong again.
I won’t give up fighting for justice. You deserve that just as much as I deserve to be happy. I love you.
The Facebook page for Justice For Eddie is now up and running. Updates will be coming shortly. Please reblog this post, like the Facebook page, and share it with your friends. Spread the word! We are Eddie’s voice in his absence as the trial for his murderer approaches [June 18-22].
On November 26, 2011, the life of Eddie Allshouse [17yrs] was wrongfully taken by Naoichiro Anzai [17yrs]. This monstrous act of violence shook the island of Okinawa as well as the hearts of his family, friends and those touched by Eddie’s kindness, love and friendship. For months, Eddie’s family and friends have not only struggled with coping but also with fighting to receive justice that Eddie so deserves. Now, Naoichiro Anzai will be tried as an adult and his trial dates have been set for June 18-22. Eddie’s family would love for you to come and show your support for Eddie in receiving justice by putting his murderer where he belongs. The location has not yet been determined but we will keep you updated. For now, please like and share this page and spread the word for we are here to speak for Eddie. We are his voice. Rest in peace, Edward Allshouse Jr. You truly are a beacon of light to many.
